I have kept my favorite bra hung up in my bathroom as a reminder that what I am going through although is life changing but also temporary. I am one day closer to being able to wear a normal bra, to be able to feel my sense of intimacy, my sense of just being a woman.(I love my lace) But I have learned more than ever that this In no way defines who I am. The last 14 weeks have been the most dark days of my life. I wanted to give up, I regretted my decision more than once, I have endured constant pain, I have had complications but just when I thought I couldn’t make another day I would remind myself why I made the decision I did.. my girls, so with that I conquered and waded through the rough cold waters. Prayer was the most important thing in my journey, again the power of prayer is memorizing. I am not the only person to do this and anyone who is facing this, you will find your inner strength and get through it!
In 2 weeks I will undergo my exchange surgery, for those that don’t realize what that is, it’s to swap out my expanders and insert the real implants. The expanders don’t resemble natural breast at all, the purpose is to create a pocket for the implant while stretching the pectoral muscle and man has it! Muscle stretching pain is no joke! The implants are surprisingly very similar to natural breasts, they are so soft and round. There are a million different kinds to choose from and I relied on my plastic surgeon to help me, we chose Natrelle inspria high rounds. So yes they will be perky and any women especially those with kids, you can feel my excitement! But again if I had my choice I would have never had to make this decision and lose my breasts. Since this was reconstruction and not cosmetic they will not be perfect, I will have some imperfections and again the scars 😪 I am learning to look past them but it’s hard. The way the surgeon made the incisions (slanted not straight across) will help hide in a bra or swimsuit top.
Surgery is outpatient, will have drains again and swelling for about 3-4 weeks as the settle. I am nervous as this is the final product but also excited to be getting closer to moving on. As stated before I will never have feeling, I am numb in both breasts and under my arm(feels weird shaving!) I will not ever be able to use a heating pad as I have no feeling so can actually burn myself without knowing. I will have a compression or sports bra on while recovering but will eventually be able to wear a normal bra if I desire! I will be perky so won’t have to if I don’t want to, I will, I love my lace to much not to! I have chosen to not forego the 3rd surgery of reconstruction with nipple reconstruction and will just do 3D tattoos. I plan on taking a trip to New Orleans for the world renowned in the breast cancer world, the one and only Vinny Meyers so for my 37th birthday I will take a trip and get my tattoos!
Every day I get stronger, every day I fall in love with myself more , every day I am able to look past my scars , every day I have more smiles and less tears, every day I am more thankful for my life and knowledge that I had to be in control. Every day is a new day to embrace.
“Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances”